Captain OddCat: A Plan for Prosperity

I have hit upon the perfect get-rich-quick scheme. The idea was inspired partly by a blog I read called "Cat Versus Human" (www.catversushuman.blogspot.com), and partly by my own nutty feline. Jude has a lot of weird personality quirks. He won't touch a box, for example, and most cats go ape shit over boxes. His voice sounds like Fran Drescher and Bugsy Seigel did the mattress mambo and Frannie gave birth to a cat. There's a lot of fodder just right there. I could stop there and be good. I have thought, however, to exploit my cat's singularly odd psyche for profit. It'll keep him stocked up on that insanely expensive prescription kibble. It's for his own good.

Here's the idea: I make Jude into an internet celebricat. (Think Hipster Kitty, or First World Problems Cat.) I get him an internet alias. (I have decided on Captain OddCat, because it sounds appropriately meme-y.) Touting him as Captain OddCat, I make him into an overnight meme sensation. I start a blog, the Captain OddCat blog, and make a comic strip for him. (There is evidence that this works as a money-making device. Cat Versus Human has a comic strip, and then there's the Simon's Cat videos all the cat lovers -- including me -- enjoy so much. Both of these ventures have enabled their fearless entrepreneurs to market products and rake in the dough.) When the comic strip explodes into stardom, I start printing Captain OddCat mugs and t-shirts and buttons and tote bags and suchlike and selling them directly from the blog page.

Of course my Jude will be a worldwide sensation, so the dollars will start coming in immediately. Boom. Rich. Me, myself, and Captain OddCat move out of this apartment and into a giant mansion. I carry him on my arm in public, with his own sunglasses, so his celebrity won't interfere with his ability to lead a normal life. He can have prescription wet food and a roomful of paper coils to chase, while I'm busy getting laid because of course all the hot cat-loving chicks will be all over the mastermind behind Captain OddCat, and we'll both live happily ever after.

Now I just have to learn how to draw.