Semester of Success

Goals for this semester:

1.) Kick Meteorology's ass, even though, as a science, it has one up on me and I'm probably not going to like it.

2.) Do not miss any classes unless:
a) I have been quarantined due to threat of contagion
b) I am flat on my back in a hospital bed
c) I am dead or actively dying

3.) Remain organized, so there is no frantic hunting down of assignments an hour before they are due.

4.) Get Mrs. Ross moving on my field placement, even if it means I have to camp out on the futon in the Annex.

5.) Enjoy my LAST SEMESTER BEFORE FIELD!!!!!!!!

6.) When I get discouraged, close my eyes and chant: "You graduate in May; you graduate in May ..."

I am determined to stick to these goals. I am doing my best to stay healthy this semester: taking my medicine every day, getting plenty of sleep, eating right. I'm also making an effort in the look-good-feel-good department -- no going to class in my ratty sleep sweats this winter. I'm trying to get up, put on something nice, do my hair, put on some earrings or a necklace or something pretty. I do not want to let this winter best me.

Winter has always been hard -- and autumn, by extension, because it leads directly to winter. I find it hard to enjoy the beautiful leaves and the nice, crisp air when I know that in a few months it's going to get dark at 4:30 and I'm gonna freeze my ass off every day driving a Hoveround to campus. Winter traps me in my apartment, makes my body hurt, and makes it harder to live with clinical depression. But I'm working on that, too: spending every spare hour I have asleep on the couch will be impossible because of Dexadrine, and I'm already feeling better staying awake consistently. I have natural light bulbs in all my lamps, and I'm going to make an effort to at least step out on the balcony every day for fresh air. The only thing I'm really worried about is when they turn the heat to the building on: it gets so hot, I get sick to my stomach. I have 2 working oscillating fans, and I'm going to buy two more. With that and sneaking the windows open, I should be okay.

Fall and winter are hard because of PTSD too, and the strange thing is, I don't really know why. There's just something about the light, the feel of the air, that makes me very nervous and fills my belly with dread. Some mornings I wake up with the urge to scream and hide till it's over. Maybe terrible things happened that I don't remember -- that's very highly likely. I get that feeling in the spring and summer too, but I can usually shake it off because the days are long and warm and it's impossible for me to keep the blues once I get them. This time of year, shaking the nasties off is harder.

I really do think I can do it, though. Somehow I've gained more of myself, more of my own strength, in the past year than I have at any one time before. I just feel stronger somehow. More competent, more capable. And I know that if I need you guys to help me out, all I have to do is holler.

So here goes success!