33 Things I've Learned in 3 Weeks

1. If you go five minutes without hearing a peep from your 17 month old nephew, chances are good that his sister has locked him in the bathroom.

2. Ketchup and blood look terrifyingly similar when matted in a small child's hair. Also, even after you wash the child's hair, the child will still smell like ketchup for a period of several hours.

3. You can apparently feel guilty enough to pull over for a cop who wasn't even coming after you.

4. THE BOOK OF MORMON ON BROADWAY SOUNDTRACK.

5. "Let us protect your asse(t)s."

6. Some people were just born mean. Sad, but true.

7. Don't feel bad if you don't recognize your cousin after 10 years. Your cousin doesn't recognize you, either.

8. Amish people might get smashing drunk and pass out driving their buggies. Their horses will then get tired and pull into the nearest garage.

9. I like rhubarb pie.

10. There's nothing in the world like hearing a 3 year old tell you she loves you for the first time -- even if you're suffering through "Yo Gabba Gabba" when she says it.

11. It is possible to be so tired that you ask where your own crutch is, even as you're leaning on it.

12. Conversations like this may take place as you are leaving a room:
              
              "How does she do the stairs?"
               "Not very good, but better than you."

13. If you are accustomed to sleeping on a twin bed, you will sleep on a twin bed even if you're actually sleeping on a queen-sized bed.

14. I can walk more than I thought. A lot more. It isn't pleasant or preferable, but it can be done.

15. 2 toilets in the same building will overflow on the same night if at all possible, most likely at 3 a.m. when you're hungry and functioning on 10 minutes of sleep.

16. It is possible to function on 10 minutes of sleep for an extended period of time, provided you aren't asked to remember your own name.

17. Spiders are amazing, because spiders eat mosquitoes and mosquitoes are an Old Testament plague God forgot to mention and/or get rid of.

18. Down Syndrome has a spectrum, just like autism.

19. If you have a camper that is cognitively around 3 years of age AND struggles with social appropriateness, you may receive a full frontal boob grab within the first 5 minutes of meeting her. This same camper might also enjoy grabbing your butt, and holding you in a headlock while patting you and crooning, "Baby … soft …." You will be able to tolerate a surprising amount of this, after the initial shock wears off.

20. I can tolerate 2 roommates in a 9x9 space for approximately 2 weeks before I start frothing at the mouth. This is much, much longer than I expected.

21. I can wipe someone's butt without gagging. I can also give someone else Preparation H, because, well, someone has to do it.

22. Generally speaking, there are 2 speeds associated with Down Syndrome: running, and not moving at all. Very little exists between these extremes.

23. It can take a camper a solid hour to eat one small container of yogurt, even with coaxing and constant cheerleading. This can be surprisingly tiring for the cheerleader.

24. CARD PARTY! (I had a camper who thought 52 Pick Up was the greatest game in the world. We called it Card Party.)

25. Cognitive delay can mean your 15 year old camper still likes to eat crayons and color on people with markers. She may even have a color preference, which can mean that after 2 days there will be no purple crayons in the entire cabin, and several other campers may be mysteriously speckled with unnaturally orange freckles. It is also possible for an entire crayon to be consumed in the 5 seconds it takes you to urge someone else to eat her yogurt.

26. It is almost impossible not to laugh when 2 campers get in a fight over which one is going to marry Justin Bieiber, and the loser ends up crying facedown on the floor in the middle of Music Time. And yet you can still get down on the floor beside your camper with a straight face and treat the entire matter as seriously as a heart transplant.   

27. It may appear that your camper is having a seizure, but she might just be indulging a habit of staring directly at the sun. You will learn to tell the difference fairly quickly -- after about the first 2 panic attacks.

28. The ASL signs for "stop," "more," "hungry," "thirsty," "angry," and "please".

29. Pick your battles. If your camper really wants to wear her panties backwards, fine. At least they're on.

30. The difference between Scottish and Irish accents, and the proper pronunciation of Sorcha. (SIR-ka.)

31. PJ Fashion Shows!

32. The beautiful sound of a Chinese instrument called the zither in the hands of a skilled musician.

33. It is possible to love a place and its people, and still be sad and exhausted. Knowing your limits does not mean you are weak, or that you love the place and its people any less.